LORD, Thank for the opportunity to be involved and serve You in this class. Thank you for the men and women here tonight who chose to be here, to be curious, courageous, honest and vulnerable. We invite you into our lives tonight Lord, guide of sharing, allow us to be open to new ways of thinking and learning; help us to help ourselves and help others. Help us to understand WHY we behave the way we do and how we can change what needs to be changed in our lives, in order to be better people and serve You better in this world. In Jesus name we pray!
The seven core scriptures take us from, understanding our emotions, asking God for help, changing our thinking, delegating control to Christ, God reciprocates with a Helper that facilitates with fruit or values, such as self control and our replacing our old selves and becoming New Creations.
Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."
We may not be able to control our external circumstances, but we can change how we THINK about them and therefore change how we feel and behave. The best way to fight bad ideas is to replace them with better ones. Transformation begins in the mind, because the way we reason affects how we act. What we think (cognition), what we feel (emotion) and what we do (behavior) are intrinsically linked together. Our thinking determines our feelings and our feelings determine our actions. As Aristotle said, “We desire in accordance with our deliberation." Pastor and cognitive behaviorist, Rick Warren, states, in his book, Building Your Life on Values that Last: "The way you think determines how you feel and affects how you act. If you want to change something in your life or break a bad habit, then figure out what caused you to do the thing you want to change." This is exactly what this class is all about. What causes our behavior and how to change it!
Consider this, you can't get addicted, to a substance, unless you have learned the drug helps you do something. After all, if you did not learn that alcohol allows you feel a certain way, you would not know what to buy! Feeling compelled to use a drug (or any compulsive behavior) arises from important reasons inside people, not from an inanimate bottle or substance! Addictive behaviors are never random, there is always a reason and a reward. You could say there is always a, "Trigger-Behavior-Reward-Repeat." In the final analysis, if you truly don't want to do something, then you won't do it! We have, "Free Will," autonomy and are always driven to pursue happiness (reward), everyone is; it's human nature. The only way you will stop desiring heavy substances and change your behavior is by seeing more happiness in the change, than in the using. We stop abusing substances and other behaviors, when we decide (reason/think) abusing is not the best option for our happiness. Don't let your emotions control your life, change your thinking and let God change your life. This the real meaning of repenting. Repenting simply means changing your mind. This is exactly what Trent spoke about last Friday in his lesson at CR. Make a Turn or Repent, which simply means to, "change your mind!"
What does this scripture mean to you?
Read Core Scripture
We may not be able to control our external circumstances, but we can change how we THINK about them and therefore change how we feel and behave. The best way to fight bad ideas is to replace them with better ones. Transformation begins in the mind, because the way we reason affects how we act. What we think (cognition), what we feel (emotion) and what we do (behavior) are intrinsically linked together. Our thinking determines our feelings and our feelings determine our actions. As Aristotle said, “We desire in accordance with our deliberation." Pastor and cognitive behaviorist, Rick Warren, states, in his book, Building Your Life on Values that Last: "The way you think determines how you feel and affects how you act. If you want to change something in your life or break a bad habit, then figure out what caused you to do the thing you want to change." This is exactly what this class is all about. What causes our behavior and how to change it!
Consider this, you can't get addicted, to a substance, unless you have learned the drug helps you do something. After all, if you did not learn that alcohol allows you feel a certain way, you would not know what to buy! Feeling compelled to use a drug (or any compulsive behavior) arises from important reasons inside people, not from an inanimate bottle or substance! Addictive behaviors are never random, there is always a reason and a reward. You could say there is always a, "Trigger-Behavior-Reward-Repeat." In the final analysis, if you truly don't want to do something, then you won't do it! We have, "Free Will," autonomy and are always driven to pursue happiness (reward), everyone is; it's human nature. The only way you will stop desiring heavy substances and change your behavior is by seeing more happiness in the change, than in the using. We stop abusing substances and other behaviors, when we decide (reason/think) abusing is not the best option for our happiness. Don't let your emotions control your life, change your thinking and let God change your life. This the real meaning of repenting. Repenting simply means changing your mind. This is exactly what Trent spoke about last Friday in his lesson at CR. Make a Turn or Repent, which simply means to, "change your mind!"
What does this scripture mean to you?
Read Core Scripture
- Trent opens with Devotion on thinking.
- Trent and I redefine addiction in our lives with respect to our emotions, circumstances and choice of behaviors: displaced or direct.
- The goal of this class is to understand the psychology of addiction. Understand our emotions, our thinking and our resultant actions. Once we have this understanding, we can work on the antidote which is replacing the old displaced behaviors with other high value behaviors that we call direct behaviors! (see download).
- Purpose of addiction is to, "reverse feelings of helplessness." (ask for examples to each bullet point)
- Drive behind addiction is the rage or anger at helplessness. (ask for examples?)
- Key moment is when the thought of the addictive act first comes to mind. This may be hours or days before the act. (ask for examples?)
- Displaced or substitute behaviors are simply behaviors used to reverse feelings of helplessness!
- Direct behaviors are alternative actions that can be taken in place of the addictive act. The best direct behaviors are of high value to us and are therefore empowering in regaining control. (ask for examples?)
In this class and reading the book, our overall perspective is to take baby steps in evaluating and managing ourselves. We talk about purpose and drive, key moments, direct and displace behaviors. What we want to do in the long run is make things as simple as possible and no simpler. This is why Pastor Nate like to use the three Rs. In the next four weeks we will discuss this in more depth but for now:
- Recognize: The circumstances and the emotions we feel (helpless...)
- Reframe: The benefits of the bad wolf and good wolf. Are you really happier in the long run?
- Replace: Empower ourselves and regain control with high value direct behaviors. Think and always ask yourself: Will my behavior honor God? When your actions are Christ like in character, you have regained control. There is no addiction, there is inner peace, you have regained control with direct Christ Driven Behavior.
SUMMARY of the book:
I hope we are starting to see a common picture here in all these chapters. The characters have issues in their past. But the issues don't keep them from overcoming their addictions they just help explain them. We see that each individual has a an emotional purpose behind their particular issue, which is always some form of helplessness that precedes their addictive act. They all have a deep down anger or even rage that drives the addictive behavior. This anger or even rage at feeling helpless is what makes some addictions look so out of control terrible, as people pursue their addictions at seemingly any cost. Virtually all of the characters in the book attempt to regain control of their helplessness with substitute or displaced behavior. What we are seeing here is that addictions are about emotions and how we control our emotions with either direct or displaced behaviors. Addictions are really about managing our emotions! This is called our Emotional IQ, which is really making our emotions work for us instead of against us. When these folks learned the personal psychology behind their behavior it was much easier for them to regain control in more healthy ways. They are now more capable of mastering their issues or addictions. As we become more skilled at understanding ourselves, instead of reacting to our emotions we retrain our minds, one thought at a time, to think differently. It takes a little work, but when you think God's thoughts (scripture), He becomes your partner in accomplishing whatever you need to accomplish!
God wants us to understand our psychology. God created us to seek control. What all humans really seek is a sense of control. People like to feel in control. We are biologically wired to seek control. What we really seek is not a drink, a drug, porn or a bet, but a sense of empowerment, especially in the face of feeling overwhelmed, helpless, trapped and powerless (out of control). The root of all conflicts in life, is that we want to be in charge. We want to eat the forbidden fruit of knowledge, we want to be God. We want to call the shots.Exactly how we choose to empower ourselves and regain control of our emotions (feelings), our life, is what needs to be discerned, understood and then managed. This is exactly where God wants us. God wants us thinking. Are we going to copy the behavior and values of this world or let God empower us and transform us into a new person? God gave humans free will, the ability to think and choose and that includes the freedom to realize we are not God; the freedom to choose or reject God! The freedom to learn from our circumstances. The freedom to learn and to choose direct or displaced behaviors. The freedom to choose our best options for life here on earth and eternal happiness.
Discuss chapters 4,5,6.
I hope we are starting to see a common picture here in all these chapters. The characters have issues in their past. But the issues don't keep them from overcoming their addictions they just help explain them. We see that each individual has a an emotional purpose behind their particular issue, which is always some form of helplessness that precedes their addictive act. They all have a deep down anger or even rage that drives the addictive behavior. This anger or even rage at feeling helpless is what makes some addictions look so out of control terrible, as people pursue their addictions at seemingly any cost. Virtually all of the characters in the book attempt to regain control of their helplessness with substitute or displaced behavior. What we are seeing here is that addictions are about emotions and how we control our emotions with either direct or displaced behaviors. Addictions are really about managing our emotions! This is called our Emotional IQ, which is really making our emotions work for us instead of against us. When these folks learned the personal psychology behind their behavior it was much easier for them to regain control in more healthy ways. They are now more capable of mastering their issues or addictions. As we become more skilled at understanding ourselves, instead of reacting to our emotions we retrain our minds, one thought at a time, to think differently. It takes a little work, but when you think God's thoughts (scripture), He becomes your partner in accomplishing whatever you need to accomplish!
God wants us to understand our psychology. God created us to seek control. What all humans really seek is a sense of control. People like to feel in control. We are biologically wired to seek control. What we really seek is not a drink, a drug, porn or a bet, but a sense of empowerment, especially in the face of feeling overwhelmed, helpless, trapped and powerless (out of control). The root of all conflicts in life, is that we want to be in charge. We want to eat the forbidden fruit of knowledge, we want to be God. We want to call the shots.Exactly how we choose to empower ourselves and regain control of our emotions (feelings), our life, is what needs to be discerned, understood and then managed. This is exactly where God wants us. God wants us thinking. Are we going to copy the behavior and values of this world or let God empower us and transform us into a new person? God gave humans free will, the ability to think and choose and that includes the freedom to realize we are not God; the freedom to choose or reject God! The freedom to learn from our circumstances. The freedom to learn and to choose direct or displaced behaviors. The freedom to choose our best options for life here on earth and eternal happiness.
Discuss chapters 4,5,6.
Below is a video from Dr. Judd Brewer. Brewer has a different twist on addiction but he is in essence saying the same thing as Dodes in that addiction involve emotions and thinking minds.
Brewer has a simple definition of addiction that I find very applicable. He also says we are all addicts, which fits right into the CR template of the fact that all humans have issue whether they want to admit them or not!
Brewer defines addiction as continuous use of a behavior or substance that has adverse consequences! As we shall see in the video this can turn out to be almost anything!
Dr. Judd Brewer summary of video:
1. Our brains are set up to get hooked, all about survival
2. Old brains (emotional limbic) acts on impulse (Trigger Behavior Reward Repeat) This is how habits are set up.
3. Modern world is designed to addict, food, phones, shopping, porn, etc.
4. New brain rational, logical, decision maker, seat of willpower but weak compared to emotional limbic brain.
5. Current treatment programs fail because Prefrontal goes off line when we need it most.
6. Modern science brings old and new brain (emotions and thinking) together. Being curious and kind is results in direct healthy behavior.
7. Understanding our minds, awareness, discovery, curiosity kindness are key for learning.
Brewer has a simple definition of addiction that I find very applicable. He also says we are all addicts, which fits right into the CR template of the fact that all humans have issue whether they want to admit them or not!
Brewer defines addiction as continuous use of a behavior or substance that has adverse consequences! As we shall see in the video this can turn out to be almost anything!
Dr. Judd Brewer summary of video:
1. Our brains are set up to get hooked, all about survival
2. Old brains (emotional limbic) acts on impulse (Trigger Behavior Reward Repeat) This is how habits are set up.
3. Modern world is designed to addict, food, phones, shopping, porn, etc.
4. New brain rational, logical, decision maker, seat of willpower but weak compared to emotional limbic brain.
5. Current treatment programs fail because Prefrontal goes off line when we need it most.
6. Modern science brings old and new brain (emotions and thinking) together. Being curious and kind is results in direct healthy behavior.
7. Understanding our minds, awareness, discovery, curiosity kindness are key for learning.
MINDFULNESS:
Being mindful is simply being, “Attentive.” Christians can be mindful of Christ by taking every thought captive for Christ and renewing their minds with the truth (2 Corinthians 10:5; Romans 12:2).
When you get better at mindfulness, you build your attention span and your ability to stay calm. When you decide to apply this concept to your personal relationship to Jesus Christ, you will inevitably grow closer to God.
Mindfulness has taught me that I was not my thoughts and feelings. I was not my emotions. I was not my bodily sensations. I was not my anxiety and panic in certain situations. I didn’t have to be identified with any of these. Our habitual tendency is to push away anything that is unpleasant and regain control with displaced behaviors. But by simply noting, I could simply observe the helpless feelings, and not reflexively push them away or fall into a displaced behaviors but instead replace them with observation and with a direct empowering prayer and direct behavior that honors God.
Like Dr. Dodes, Dr. Judd Brewer sees that we are governed in large part by our emotions our old brain (Limbic System). Like Dodes, Brewer wants us to understand our emotions and our mind how our brains work. Brewer sees the antidote to habit loops or addictions as Mindfulness: Learning how our mind works. Be aware, be curious, discover. Curiosity itself can be a reward. Dodes is essentially saying the same thing, understand our emotions, what makes us feel helpless, understand the responses both displaced and direct. Choose direct responses that are empowering and rewarding in order to regain control.
Dr. Brewer uses this useful acronym: RAIN:
Recognize: The emotion you are feeling right now or habit loop you are in.
Aware: Be aware of how you feel but don't let the feeling become you (Mindfulness). Just let it be, like a wave at the beach. The wave comes and goes, just like emotions!
Investigate: Be curious and think about why you feel this way. Where in your body do you feel it? Quantify it on a 1-10 basis. When you are curious you can flip the valence from craving to curiosity! What feels better craving or curiosity? What is better, selfish excitement or unselfish Joy?
Note: Write it down or unpack it mentally. Talks to someone else about it, off-load it. Write down what you are thinking. Writing is the mirror of your mind. Excitement is NOT the be all end all. Joy supersedes excitement.
The general idea is get in touch with your temporary emotions, don't avoid them like we normally do (get drunk, find a love relationship, watch porn, gamble, over eat, etc.). No craving lasts forever! Curiosity is key. Self discovery. When we become curious it is hard to crave. Curiosity is actually a reward that breaks the trap of feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and out of control.
Being mindful is simply being, “Attentive.” Christians can be mindful of Christ by taking every thought captive for Christ and renewing their minds with the truth (2 Corinthians 10:5; Romans 12:2).
When you get better at mindfulness, you build your attention span and your ability to stay calm. When you decide to apply this concept to your personal relationship to Jesus Christ, you will inevitably grow closer to God.
Mindfulness has taught me that I was not my thoughts and feelings. I was not my emotions. I was not my bodily sensations. I was not my anxiety and panic in certain situations. I didn’t have to be identified with any of these. Our habitual tendency is to push away anything that is unpleasant and regain control with displaced behaviors. But by simply noting, I could simply observe the helpless feelings, and not reflexively push them away or fall into a displaced behaviors but instead replace them with observation and with a direct empowering prayer and direct behavior that honors God.
Like Dr. Dodes, Dr. Judd Brewer sees that we are governed in large part by our emotions our old brain (Limbic System). Like Dodes, Brewer wants us to understand our emotions and our mind how our brains work. Brewer sees the antidote to habit loops or addictions as Mindfulness: Learning how our mind works. Be aware, be curious, discover. Curiosity itself can be a reward. Dodes is essentially saying the same thing, understand our emotions, what makes us feel helpless, understand the responses both displaced and direct. Choose direct responses that are empowering and rewarding in order to regain control.
Dr. Brewer uses this useful acronym: RAIN:
Recognize: The emotion you are feeling right now or habit loop you are in.
Aware: Be aware of how you feel but don't let the feeling become you (Mindfulness). Just let it be, like a wave at the beach. The wave comes and goes, just like emotions!
Investigate: Be curious and think about why you feel this way. Where in your body do you feel it? Quantify it on a 1-10 basis. When you are curious you can flip the valence from craving to curiosity! What feels better craving or curiosity? What is better, selfish excitement or unselfish Joy?
Note: Write it down or unpack it mentally. Talks to someone else about it, off-load it. Write down what you are thinking. Writing is the mirror of your mind. Excitement is NOT the be all end all. Joy supersedes excitement.
The general idea is get in touch with your temporary emotions, don't avoid them like we normally do (get drunk, find a love relationship, watch porn, gamble, over eat, etc.). No craving lasts forever! Curiosity is key. Self discovery. When we become curious it is hard to crave. Curiosity is actually a reward that breaks the trap of feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and out of control.
Dr. Dodes explains addiction 20 mts. pause for roundtable.
| psychology_of_addiction.docx |
| |||
| direct_healthy_behaviors.pdf |
INDEX CARD:
1. What is my issue? (substance abuse, porn, overeating, controlling others, gambling, etc.)
2. What circumstance in life makes me feel overwhelmed, helpless, trapped, powerless and out of control?
3. Is there a, “key moment,” that occurs before I act on my behavior? What is that key moment?
4. What displaced behavior have I used to regain control of my feeling helpless?
5. What direct behavior can I use that is of high value to me that will empower me to regain control of my feelings?
Example: Clint's issue is anger (1). When he gets in LA traffic (2) he gets overwhelmed with all the traffic. Someone cuts his car off (3) and his ego is bruised, he curses at them and flips them off (4). Clint could have taken a deep breath and told himself this guy might be on the way to the hospital, handicapped or other issues, just said a prayer, turn on the music and let it go (5).
1. What is my issue? (substance abuse, porn, overeating, controlling others, gambling, etc.)
2. What circumstance in life makes me feel overwhelmed, helpless, trapped, powerless and out of control?
3. Is there a, “key moment,” that occurs before I act on my behavior? What is that key moment?
4. What displaced behavior have I used to regain control of my feeling helpless?
5. What direct behavior can I use that is of high value to me that will empower me to regain control of my feelings?
Example: Clint's issue is anger (1). When he gets in LA traffic (2) he gets overwhelmed with all the traffic. Someone cuts his car off (3) and his ego is bruised, he curses at them and flips them off (4). Clint could have taken a deep breath and told himself this guy might be on the way to the hospital, handicapped or other issues, just said a prayer, turn on the music and let it go (5).
Closing VICTORY Prayer:
Lord, I invite you into my life today. Guide my footsteps and help me make wise decisions in order to manage my feelings, my emotions. Help me to regain control over emotional circumstances in life, that make me feel helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control. I accept that I cannot control everything and I delegate that control to you, so that you will transform my thinking and empower me, through the Holy Spirit. Empower me to regain control with (Direct), assertive, Christ Driven values and behavior and not with (Displaced substitute behaviors), the quick fixes or mood changers of chemicals and other errant behaviors. Always allow me to be sensitive to Your Will, especially if You desire to change my plans and behavior.
Lord, I invite you into my life today. Guide my footsteps and help me make wise decisions in order to manage my feelings, my emotions. Help me to regain control over emotional circumstances in life, that make me feel helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control. I accept that I cannot control everything and I delegate that control to you, so that you will transform my thinking and empower me, through the Holy Spirit. Empower me to regain control with (Direct), assertive, Christ Driven values and behavior and not with (Displaced substitute behaviors), the quick fixes or mood changers of chemicals and other errant behaviors. Always allow me to be sensitive to Your Will, especially if You desire to change my plans and behavior.
