What Are Hurts, Hangups and Habits?
In order to understand ourselves, our hurts, hangups and habits, one needs to understand human psychology. Our brains are setup for reward based learning based on positive and negative reinforcement. Trigger-Behavior-Reward-Repeat. Sometimes, we feel hurt, we behave bad, we escape our feeling bad, we repeat the cycle. The simple definition of addiction is continued use (of a substance or behavior) despite adverse consequences. We all have addictions!
With respect to human behavior, what we think and what we feel, are distinct drivers of our behavior. Epictetus noted some 2000 years ago that, “it isn't our circumstances, but our view of them, which creates our miseries." The buzz word in psychology and business these days is, "Emotional IQ (EQ)." The simplest definition of EQ is the ability to manage our emotions by making our emotions work for us instead of against us. Reasons for compulsive substance abuse or behavior, or any hurt, hangup or habit, are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of intolerable helplessness about whatever circumstances in life makes one feel overwhelmingly trapped, powerless and out of control.
People behave the way they do for a reason. You can't get addicted to a substance or a behavior, that you have not learned does something for you. What is that, "something?" Why do we behave the way we do? What is the root cause of our actions? Why do specific circumstances in life, that are very important to us, make us feel overwhelmed, helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control? How do we regain control?
With Pastor Nate, at Celebrate Recovery in Rolling Hills, we learn to Recognize our Hurt feeling, Re-frame our thinking that results in a behavioral Hangup and Replace the bad Habit (temporary quick fixes), with other high value behaviors that are important and empowering. Remember, the secret to self control is best served with Christ control, acting with empowering Christ Driven Behavior, that honors God. Christ Driven Behavior is the best high value behavior! Remember, Christ provides the power to change your life with the fruits or values of the Holy Spirit! With Pastor Nate, Recovery is an adventure in curiosity, mindfulness and self discovery and that is a Celebration.
What Are Hurts, Hangups and Habits?
Hurts – are feelings. Feelings are emotions such as happy, sad, anger, afraid and ashamed. Hurts often result in an emotional reaction to another person’s behavior or to a disturbing situation such as abuse, abandonment, codependency, divorce or relationship issues. When these hurts are very important to us and become overwhelming, they can result in feeling frustrated, helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control. It's human nature to escape, "hurts" and attempt to regain control and that is when we can develop defense mechanism that become hangups.
Hang-ups -are a negative mental attitude that is used to cope with people or adversity including anger, depression, fear and unforgiveness. At the heart of hangups, is an unrealistic belief system with corruptive thinking, in that people feel life should be easy, fair and painless and we should always get what we want! When this thinking fails, hangups can turn into habits! When we have a corrupted believe system, mental hangups are inevitable and can become habitual.
Habits - in this context, are compulsive repeat behaviors with respect to substances or behaviors, such as: alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, porn, shopping, smoking, anger, controlling others, etc. All addictions serve an emotional purpose; usually to regain control over feeling intolerably helpless to specific and important circumstances in our lives. Instead of responding with a direct action to deal with how we feel, some of us learn to respond with a displaced or substitute behavior that helps us escape the trap of feeling frustrated, intolerably helpless, powerless and lacking control. In other words, habits can become displaced behaviors used to reverse feelings of helplessness, escape the trap and regain control of our emotions. When habits become compulsive in nature, they are called addictions.
The Antidote:
Instead of displaced behaviors, there's always something people can do at these overwhelming moments that is more direct! ( even if not perfect). People find that when they take direct healthy action (high value to them), the addictive urge almost always vanishes! This sounds like magic but it makes sense because having acted more directly, they no longer need a substitute behavior!
The best antidote for any hurt, hangup or habit: Is when we choose a high value (Dopaminergic), personal relationship with Jesus Christ, when we replace the temporary rewards of displaced behaviors (addictions) with the rewards of direct Christ Driven Behavior (CDB). Christ Driven Behavior (CDB), is a direct empowering behavior that honors God; a direct way to regain control over helpless, trapped, powerless feelings! When we empower ourselves with a high value behavior, a direct healthy behavior, such as Christ Driven Behavior (CDB), that honors God, there is no displaced behavior, there is no addiction. There is simply, a “New Creation.”
Are you struggling with hurts, hangups and habits? Take the next step. Surrender your hurts, hangups and habits. Surrender is the intellectual delegation of our will to God. Surrender is not being perfect, surrender is a decision, to give God 100%, loving God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. We intellectually accept that we can't control all our circumstances, so we choose to delegate to a more qualified entity! When we intelligently delegate control to God (Intellectual Delegation) the corollary is that God reciprocates with the values or fruits of the Holy Spirit, including self control. (Reciprocal Innervation). This isn't rocket science, this is the synergy of scripture with behavior science.
If you are a Believer, having an issue with hurts, hangups and habits, don't be conformed to this world but transform your thinking by genuinely delegating control to God (Surrender) and God will reciprocate with an empowering Helper, that will be with you always. You will find new values or fruits of the Holy Spirit, including self control! God wants a personal relationship, a connection with you! Grow close to God and He will grow close to you. Brain cells (neurons) that fire together, wire together. Where your attention goes, neuro-firing flows and neuro-connection grows. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
With respect to human behavior, what we think and what we feel, are distinct drivers of our behavior. Epictetus noted some 2000 years ago that, “it isn't our circumstances, but our view of them, which creates our miseries." The buzz word in psychology and business these days is, "Emotional IQ (EQ)." The simplest definition of EQ is the ability to manage our emotions by making our emotions work for us instead of against us. Reasons for compulsive substance abuse or behavior, or any hurt, hangup or habit, are driven by emotional factors, usually feelings of intolerable helplessness about whatever circumstances in life makes one feel overwhelmingly trapped, powerless and out of control.
People behave the way they do for a reason. You can't get addicted to a substance or a behavior, that you have not learned does something for you. What is that, "something?" Why do we behave the way we do? What is the root cause of our actions? Why do specific circumstances in life, that are very important to us, make us feel overwhelmed, helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control? How do we regain control?
With Pastor Nate, at Celebrate Recovery in Rolling Hills, we learn to Recognize our Hurt feeling, Re-frame our thinking that results in a behavioral Hangup and Replace the bad Habit (temporary quick fixes), with other high value behaviors that are important and empowering. Remember, the secret to self control is best served with Christ control, acting with empowering Christ Driven Behavior, that honors God. Christ Driven Behavior is the best high value behavior! Remember, Christ provides the power to change your life with the fruits or values of the Holy Spirit! With Pastor Nate, Recovery is an adventure in curiosity, mindfulness and self discovery and that is a Celebration.
What Are Hurts, Hangups and Habits?
Hurts – are feelings. Feelings are emotions such as happy, sad, anger, afraid and ashamed. Hurts often result in an emotional reaction to another person’s behavior or to a disturbing situation such as abuse, abandonment, codependency, divorce or relationship issues. When these hurts are very important to us and become overwhelming, they can result in feeling frustrated, helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control. It's human nature to escape, "hurts" and attempt to regain control and that is when we can develop defense mechanism that become hangups.
Hang-ups -are a negative mental attitude that is used to cope with people or adversity including anger, depression, fear and unforgiveness. At the heart of hangups, is an unrealistic belief system with corruptive thinking, in that people feel life should be easy, fair and painless and we should always get what we want! When this thinking fails, hangups can turn into habits! When we have a corrupted believe system, mental hangups are inevitable and can become habitual.
Habits - in this context, are compulsive repeat behaviors with respect to substances or behaviors, such as: alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, sex, porn, shopping, smoking, anger, controlling others, etc. All addictions serve an emotional purpose; usually to regain control over feeling intolerably helpless to specific and important circumstances in our lives. Instead of responding with a direct action to deal with how we feel, some of us learn to respond with a displaced or substitute behavior that helps us escape the trap of feeling frustrated, intolerably helpless, powerless and lacking control. In other words, habits can become displaced behaviors used to reverse feelings of helplessness, escape the trap and regain control of our emotions. When habits become compulsive in nature, they are called addictions.
The Antidote:
Instead of displaced behaviors, there's always something people can do at these overwhelming moments that is more direct! ( even if not perfect). People find that when they take direct healthy action (high value to them), the addictive urge almost always vanishes! This sounds like magic but it makes sense because having acted more directly, they no longer need a substitute behavior!
The best antidote for any hurt, hangup or habit: Is when we choose a high value (Dopaminergic), personal relationship with Jesus Christ, when we replace the temporary rewards of displaced behaviors (addictions) with the rewards of direct Christ Driven Behavior (CDB). Christ Driven Behavior (CDB), is a direct empowering behavior that honors God; a direct way to regain control over helpless, trapped, powerless feelings! When we empower ourselves with a high value behavior, a direct healthy behavior, such as Christ Driven Behavior (CDB), that honors God, there is no displaced behavior, there is no addiction. There is simply, a “New Creation.”
Are you struggling with hurts, hangups and habits? Take the next step. Surrender your hurts, hangups and habits. Surrender is the intellectual delegation of our will to God. Surrender is not being perfect, surrender is a decision, to give God 100%, loving God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength. We intellectually accept that we can't control all our circumstances, so we choose to delegate to a more qualified entity! When we intelligently delegate control to God (Intellectual Delegation) the corollary is that God reciprocates with the values or fruits of the Holy Spirit, including self control. (Reciprocal Innervation). This isn't rocket science, this is the synergy of scripture with behavior science.
If you are a Believer, having an issue with hurts, hangups and habits, don't be conformed to this world but transform your thinking by genuinely delegating control to God (Surrender) and God will reciprocate with an empowering Helper, that will be with you always. You will find new values or fruits of the Holy Spirit, including self control! God wants a personal relationship, a connection with you! Grow close to God and He will grow close to you. Brain cells (neurons) that fire together, wire together. Where your attention goes, neuro-firing flows and neuro-connection grows. If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
