Tonight we are discussing the, "Antidote," to all compulsive behaviors or addictions which is in one word, "Surrender." I'm not suggesting surrender because you are a failure or don't have the ability to manage your life. When you understand the psychology of addiction, you an manage your life. I'm suggesting surrender as a method of delegation to a more qualified entity to better cope with life. We are powerless over our tendency to do the right thing, but we are not powerless, if we have free will and the ability to make choices.
The seven core scriptures take us from, understanding our emotions (Proverbs 29:11) asking God for Help (Mathew 28:11), transforming our thinking (Romans 12:2), delegating control to Christ (2 Cor.12:9-10),God reciprocates with a Helper (John 14:16) that facilitates with fruit or values, such as self control (Gal. 5:22-23) and our replacing our old selves and becoming New Creations (2 Cor. 5:17).
The seven core scriptures take us from, understanding our emotions (Proverbs 29:11) asking God for Help (Mathew 28:11), transforming our thinking (Romans 12:2), delegating control to Christ (2 Cor.12:9-10),God reciprocates with a Helper (John 14:16) that facilitates with fruit or values, such as self control (Gal. 5:22-23) and our replacing our old selves and becoming New Creations (2 Cor. 5:17).
2 Corinthians 12:9-10: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
SURRENDER AKA INTELLIGENT DELEGATION!
Every day we are controlled by something; the expectations of other people, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, bitterness. Maybe even a substance or a compulsive behavior or a bad habit. Ironically, freedom comes when you choose what’s going to control you. When you choose Jesus Christ to be in control of your life: when you Delegate Control to God. The optimal, empowering treatment, for any hurt, hangup or habit, in a single word is to, "Surrender." Surrendering in this case, is NOT tantamount to agreeing that one is incapable of managing one’s own life or has no free will. It's humbling oneself enough to accept change and the admission that you can't control everything. Being a, "Believer," does not does not necessarily mean your behavior will change. I was a Believer all my adult life, yet I worshiped the false idols of drugs and alcohol. For real and lasting change, you need to repent and genuinely, "Surrender." I've learned that in business and in life, in order to grow, you have to let go of absolute control. You need to learn to delegate! Pride is what keeps us from our best thinking and acting. Humility, is the door to inherit clear thinking. Selfish-pride is what kept me from loving God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Mathew 5:5. Today, surrender typically has a negative connotation. With surrender we generally think in terms of capitulation, meekness, to give in and submit. What irony, for there can be genuine power in Surrender! With respect to God, "Surrender," is simply willfully delegating control of our thinking and circumstances and actions to a more qualified entity! Consider for a moment, like it or not, you are the proactive Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of your life, with the ability to think and choose. Is it a weakness to hire a tax expert, a Chief Financial Officer (CFO) or a Chief Operations Officer (COO) for your business? Of course not! You're simply delegating control to a more qualified person. Surrender is not a weakness or giving up, when you have a genuine, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Surrender is an intelligent decision! This personal relationship is absolutely essential for growth and lasting success. Ah, the cognitive dissonance of being in control, by relinquishing control! Giving God control is absolutely empowering! Change happens through conviction and commitment! Surrender is the most important decision of your life. Surrender is a decision, a binary choice of either yes or no. When you choose to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, the decision is proactive and simple. Give God control! Simply stated, relinquish your pride and choose to give God control and God returns that control to you with the empowering Holy Spirit! "My grace is sufficient for you, for there is power in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9-10. This empowering biblical construct can be thought of as, "Intelligent Delegation and Reciprocal Innervation." Intelligent Delegation (ID) and Reciprocal Innervation (RI) equals Christ Driven Behavior (CDB). (ID+RI=CDB). Bottom line, if we are willing to humble ourselves, swallow our pride and give God control ("My grace is sufficient for you, there is power in weakness."), then God will return that control to you with a Helper. (John 14:16). This is the concept of, “Intelligent Delegation and Reciprocal Innervation.” In other words, you give control to God and God returns it to you with the fruits or values of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22-23). This goes to the heart of addiction in that when you empower yourself with a direct high value behavior, instead of displaced behavior, you regain control of feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and out of control! The fact is, there can be no addiction when you act with direct Christ Driven Behavior!
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Mathew 5:5. Ironically, maybe those who have the humility and perspective to recognize their need for a savior are actually stronger than the proud, who are too weak to admit their own human limitations. That’s the paradox of depending on God — the more you’re weak, the more you depend on God. And the more you depend on God, the stronger you get.
Meekness is in no way weakness. In fact, the Greek word for meekness literally means “strength under control.” To be meek is not to be weak. It’s used to describe a wild stallion that has been tamed. That stallion still has all the strength it had when it was wild, but now its strength is under control. It is strength bottled up for the master’s use. God doesn’t want you to be weak, but he does want you to be meek. In the same way, when we surrender ourselves to God’s will, we exhibit meekness. How different this is from our culture. In the Bible, the last are first. Giving is receiving. Dying is living. Losing is finding. The least are the greatest. Weakness is strength. The Bible teaches that true meekness is one of the keys to stress reduction in your life. Weakness is our friend, not an enemy. Human pride is a potent force, which must be uprooted. And weakness is often the tool God uses. In Paul’s life, it was a “thorn in the flesh”; in ours, it might be illness, aging, financial need, or anything else that brings us to our knees. But what a good place this is—kneeling before God, asking for His help. Seeing ourselves as we really are, understanding ourselves, produces a vital spiritual quality: meekness.
Giving control to God, intellectually delegating control to God, is the key to managing your emotions and thinking. Ironically, there is power in weakness! Ironically, when we surrender we become empowered! When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction. When you value a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, you act with direct healthy Christ Driven Behavior that honors God. This all starts with giving God control, intellectually delegating control to Christ. God’s grace is power enough because when we swallow our pride, accept our imperfection and give God control, we are empowered with new strength. Surrendering does not mean you are powerless and give up. It is accepting that you cannot control all circumstances in life, we are not God! God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
A prideful person will never find his or her true power in Jesus Christ. We must fully surrender our lives—mind, will, and emotions—to Jesus as our Lord. This includes yielding and conforming our character, conversation, and conduct to His will. If your desire is to become the person God wants you to be, you’ll see each trial as an opportunity for Christ to display His character and strength in you.
Surrender is the antidote to addiction for one simple reason. When you value your relationship with Jesus Christ above all else, your behavior will honor God. Most of the time anyway. No one is perfect.😎The antidote to overcoming any compulsive behavior or addiction is deduced to a decision. An intellectual thinking decision to Surrender. It’s a simple binary choice, yes or no. When and if we Surrender our lives to God we delegate control of our lives to Him. We choose to love God 100%, with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. We choose the ultimate high value personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We choose Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) that honors God. This is our go to Direct Healthy Behavior that comes with a built-in mentor the Holy Spirit. When your actions are Christ like in character, you have regained control, you have escaped the helplessness trap with the ultimate direct healthy behavior! There is no addiction, there is inner peace, you have regained control with direct Christ Driven Behavior.
Give example of my personal surrender experience... "I was a prideful, selfish believer most of my life that worshiped the false idols of drugs and alcohol..." Trent to follow....
Every day we are controlled by something; the expectations of other people, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, bitterness. Maybe even a substance or a compulsive behavior or a bad habit. Ironically, freedom comes when you choose what’s going to control you. When you choose Jesus Christ to be in control of your life: when you Delegate Control to God. The optimal, empowering treatment, for any hurt, hangup or habit, in a single word is to, "Surrender." Surrendering in this case, is NOT tantamount to agreeing that one is incapable of managing one’s own life or has no free will. It's humbling oneself enough to accept change and the admission that you can't control everything. Being a, "Believer," does not does not necessarily mean your behavior will change. I was a Believer all my adult life, yet I worshiped the false idols of drugs and alcohol. For real and lasting change, you need to repent and genuinely, "Surrender." I've learned that in business and in life, in order to grow, you have to let go of absolute control. You need to learn to delegate! Pride is what keeps us from our best thinking and acting. Humility, is the door to inherit clear thinking. Selfish-pride is what kept me from loving God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength.
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth." Mathew 5:5. Today, surrender typically has a negative connotation. With surrender we generally think in terms of capitulation, meekness, to give in and submit. What irony, for there can be genuine power in Surrender! With respect to God, "Surrender," is simply willfully delegating control of our thinking and circumstances and actions to a more qualified entity! Consider for a moment, like it or not, you are the proactive Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of your life, with the ability to think and choose. Is it a weakness to hire a tax expert, a Chief Financial Officer (CFO) or a Chief Operations Officer (COO) for your business? Of course not! You're simply delegating control to a more qualified person. Surrender is not a weakness or giving up, when you have a genuine, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Surrender is an intelligent decision! This personal relationship is absolutely essential for growth and lasting success. Ah, the cognitive dissonance of being in control, by relinquishing control! Giving God control is absolutely empowering! Change happens through conviction and commitment! Surrender is the most important decision of your life. Surrender is a decision, a binary choice of either yes or no. When you choose to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength, the decision is proactive and simple. Give God control! Simply stated, relinquish your pride and choose to give God control and God returns that control to you with the empowering Holy Spirit! "My grace is sufficient for you, for there is power in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9-10. This empowering biblical construct can be thought of as, "Intelligent Delegation and Reciprocal Innervation." Intelligent Delegation (ID) and Reciprocal Innervation (RI) equals Christ Driven Behavior (CDB). (ID+RI=CDB). Bottom line, if we are willing to humble ourselves, swallow our pride and give God control ("My grace is sufficient for you, there is power in weakness."), then God will return that control to you with a Helper. (John 14:16). This is the concept of, “Intelligent Delegation and Reciprocal Innervation.” In other words, you give control to God and God returns it to you with the fruits or values of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:22-23). This goes to the heart of addiction in that when you empower yourself with a direct high value behavior, instead of displaced behavior, you regain control of feeling helpless, powerless, trapped and out of control! The fact is, there can be no addiction when you act with direct Christ Driven Behavior!
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Mathew 5:5. Ironically, maybe those who have the humility and perspective to recognize their need for a savior are actually stronger than the proud, who are too weak to admit their own human limitations. That’s the paradox of depending on God — the more you’re weak, the more you depend on God. And the more you depend on God, the stronger you get.
Meekness is in no way weakness. In fact, the Greek word for meekness literally means “strength under control.” To be meek is not to be weak. It’s used to describe a wild stallion that has been tamed. That stallion still has all the strength it had when it was wild, but now its strength is under control. It is strength bottled up for the master’s use. God doesn’t want you to be weak, but he does want you to be meek. In the same way, when we surrender ourselves to God’s will, we exhibit meekness. How different this is from our culture. In the Bible, the last are first. Giving is receiving. Dying is living. Losing is finding. The least are the greatest. Weakness is strength. The Bible teaches that true meekness is one of the keys to stress reduction in your life. Weakness is our friend, not an enemy. Human pride is a potent force, which must be uprooted. And weakness is often the tool God uses. In Paul’s life, it was a “thorn in the flesh”; in ours, it might be illness, aging, financial need, or anything else that brings us to our knees. But what a good place this is—kneeling before God, asking for His help. Seeing ourselves as we really are, understanding ourselves, produces a vital spiritual quality: meekness.
Giving control to God, intellectually delegating control to God, is the key to managing your emotions and thinking. Ironically, there is power in weakness! Ironically, when we surrender we become empowered! When your values trump your addiction, there is no addiction. When you value a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, you act with direct healthy Christ Driven Behavior that honors God. This all starts with giving God control, intellectually delegating control to Christ. God’s grace is power enough because when we swallow our pride, accept our imperfection and give God control, we are empowered with new strength. Surrendering does not mean you are powerless and give up. It is accepting that you cannot control all circumstances in life, we are not God! God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
A prideful person will never find his or her true power in Jesus Christ. We must fully surrender our lives—mind, will, and emotions—to Jesus as our Lord. This includes yielding and conforming our character, conversation, and conduct to His will. If your desire is to become the person God wants you to be, you’ll see each trial as an opportunity for Christ to display His character and strength in you.
Surrender is the antidote to addiction for one simple reason. When you value your relationship with Jesus Christ above all else, your behavior will honor God. Most of the time anyway. No one is perfect.😎The antidote to overcoming any compulsive behavior or addiction is deduced to a decision. An intellectual thinking decision to Surrender. It’s a simple binary choice, yes or no. When and if we Surrender our lives to God we delegate control of our lives to Him. We choose to love God 100%, with all our heart, mind, soul and strength. We choose the ultimate high value personal relationship with Jesus Christ. We choose Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) that honors God. This is our go to Direct Healthy Behavior that comes with a built-in mentor the Holy Spirit. When your actions are Christ like in character, you have regained control, you have escaped the helplessness trap with the ultimate direct healthy behavior! There is no addiction, there is inner peace, you have regained control with direct Christ Driven Behavior.
Give example of my personal surrender experience... "I was a prideful, selfish believer most of my life that worshiped the false idols of drugs and alcohol..." Trent to follow....
Many Christians resist full surrender to Jesus because it seems too costly, too demanding. It’s not like surrendering to another person because when we yield ourselves to God, it includes every area of lives—even the things hidden deep within our hearts. Surrender is being willing to give 100%. I resisted. I thought I could not live without the excitement and escape of drinking and taking recreational drugs. For me, surrender meant the party was over and I selfishly deserved to party! I was a product of the addictive belief system in that i thought life should be easy, fair and painless and I should always get what I want. I never understood that there was something beyond the temporary excitement of the roller coaster ride of recreational drug use. That something beyond is the fruit of the Holy Spirit and one of those values is called joy. The joy and peace and love of a genuine, surrendered personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
Do you value your relationship with Jesus Christ? How much? 50%, 80, 85,90, 100%?
To the best of your knowledge, are you fully surrendered to Jesus Christ?
What are you holding on to that won't allow you to delegate control to God?
What would it take right now for you to fully surrender?
Is there something God is asking you to relinquish to Him?
Anyone here care to share their surrender experience?
Do you value your relationship with Jesus Christ? How much? 50%, 80, 85,90, 100%?
To the best of your knowledge, are you fully surrendered to Jesus Christ?
What are you holding on to that won't allow you to delegate control to God?
What would it take right now for you to fully surrender?
Is there something God is asking you to relinquish to Him?
Anyone here care to share their surrender experience?
The ability to Surrender your life to Christ is a value, a purpose driven value that gives meaning to life.
Summary of Heart of Addiction Book with respect to Vignettes:
From the examples in the book, we can see that all addictions are caused by one underlying emotion: intolerable, overwhelming, helplessness. All addictions serve this emotional purpose. That purpose is to reverse feelings of helplessness. All the characters in the book reverse their feelings of helplessness, escape their trap if you will, with displaced behaviors instead of direct behaviors.
Here are some questions to ask yourself.
Is there anything in your life that will often make you feel overwhelming, “Helpless?” (Recognize)
What is your go to behavior when you feel helpless trapped, powerless and out of control? (displaced)
What would be a more direct behavior that would help you regain control? (direct)
How does addictive behavior help reverse feelings of helplessness?
No one gets addicted to a substance or a behavior unless they have learned it does something for them. What does this mean?
What emotion do I "feel," right before I have that urge and decide to take that drink, do a drug or engage in any compulsive behavior?
A: Feel frustrated, overwhelmed, helpless, powerless, trapped, out of control. Give examples in your life of how you felt, helpless, trapped, powerless and out of control with respect to certain circumstances.
What does it mean to be angry or raging at feeling helpless?
A:The drive in addictive behavior is rage at helplessness. It is this particular kind of rage that gives addiction its most conspicuous characteristics of intensity and loss of control.
How can you tell if you have an addiction?
A: Addictions always serve an emotional purpose.
What is a Displaced Behavior(substitute)?
A:Addictions are all substitute (or displaced) actions. They take the place of a more direct response to feelings of helplessness in a particular situation.
What are Direct behaviors?
A: The solutions to the helplessness traps that lead to addiction are just the direct actions that would have automatically come to mind if there were not some emotional factor preventing you from acting directly.
When seeking alternatives to addictive behavior, you don’t need to come up with the best possible alternative. You only need to come up with an action that addresses your predicament more directly than the addictive act.
Prayer is a direct healthy behavior, not a last resort. Prayer is empowering when God is our friend when we value or relationship with God. In fact any behavior that we find important to us, that we value, can be empowering, prayer, music, exercise, journaling, talking with others, etc. When you value something and can execute or complete that value, it is empowering and gives one a sense of control! Colossians 3:17: "Whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus." (See download on direct healthy behaviors)
What is the purpose of addictive behavior?
A: To regain control, empower oneself, escape the trap, over helpless emotional feelings.
What is the, "Key Moment," in addictive behavior?
A:The key moment in addiction is when the thought of it first comes to mind. This may be hours or even days before the addictive act occurs. The key moment in the chain of thoughts, feelings, and acts leading to an addictive behavior may be a decision to take an action that brings you closer to the addictive behavior, rather than a conscious thought about the addictive act itself.
The feeling at the key moment along the path to addictive behavior is helplessness or powerlessness. It feels like you are in a trap that you can do nothing about. Because it is so valuable to recognize the key moment—the earliest point at which you begin to think about performing your addictive act—you can help yourself by imagining this moment yourself. You can do this by anticipating the circumstances in which it would occur.
What is a compulsion compared to a habit?
A: Addictions are compulsion. Compulsions are an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes. Habits are learned behaviors that are done on purpose such as brushing your teeth or tying your shoes.
Questions on chapters 7,8,9? I need to comment and qualify on, "Surrender," in #7, talk about Myths in #8
Here are some questions to ask yourself.
Is there anything in your life that will often make you feel overwhelming, “Helpless?” (Recognize)
What is your go to behavior when you feel helpless trapped, powerless and out of control? (displaced)
What would be a more direct behavior that would help you regain control? (direct)
How does addictive behavior help reverse feelings of helplessness?
No one gets addicted to a substance or a behavior unless they have learned it does something for them. What does this mean?
What emotion do I "feel," right before I have that urge and decide to take that drink, do a drug or engage in any compulsive behavior?
A: Feel frustrated, overwhelmed, helpless, powerless, trapped, out of control. Give examples in your life of how you felt, helpless, trapped, powerless and out of control with respect to certain circumstances.
What does it mean to be angry or raging at feeling helpless?
A:The drive in addictive behavior is rage at helplessness. It is this particular kind of rage that gives addiction its most conspicuous characteristics of intensity and loss of control.
How can you tell if you have an addiction?
A: Addictions always serve an emotional purpose.
What is a Displaced Behavior(substitute)?
A:Addictions are all substitute (or displaced) actions. They take the place of a more direct response to feelings of helplessness in a particular situation.
What are Direct behaviors?
A: The solutions to the helplessness traps that lead to addiction are just the direct actions that would have automatically come to mind if there were not some emotional factor preventing you from acting directly.
When seeking alternatives to addictive behavior, you don’t need to come up with the best possible alternative. You only need to come up with an action that addresses your predicament more directly than the addictive act.
Prayer is a direct healthy behavior, not a last resort. Prayer is empowering when God is our friend when we value or relationship with God. In fact any behavior that we find important to us, that we value, can be empowering, prayer, music, exercise, journaling, talking with others, etc. When you value something and can execute or complete that value, it is empowering and gives one a sense of control! Colossians 3:17: "Whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus." (See download on direct healthy behaviors)
What is the purpose of addictive behavior?
A: To regain control, empower oneself, escape the trap, over helpless emotional feelings.
What is the, "Key Moment," in addictive behavior?
A:The key moment in addiction is when the thought of it first comes to mind. This may be hours or even days before the addictive act occurs. The key moment in the chain of thoughts, feelings, and acts leading to an addictive behavior may be a decision to take an action that brings you closer to the addictive behavior, rather than a conscious thought about the addictive act itself.
The feeling at the key moment along the path to addictive behavior is helplessness or powerlessness. It feels like you are in a trap that you can do nothing about. Because it is so valuable to recognize the key moment—the earliest point at which you begin to think about performing your addictive act—you can help yourself by imagining this moment yourself. You can do this by anticipating the circumstances in which it would occur.
What is a compulsion compared to a habit?
A: Addictions are compulsion. Compulsions are an irresistible urge to behave in a certain way, especially against one's conscious wishes. Habits are learned behaviors that are done on purpose such as brushing your teeth or tying your shoes.
Questions on chapters 7,8,9? I need to comment and qualify on, "Surrender," in #7, talk about Myths in #8
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Below is PDF on Direct Healthy Behaviors
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| direct_healthy_behaviors.pdf |
Charles Stanley: How can we experience Christ's peace:
- We must believe that He is in control of our lives and our circumstances. Otherwise, we will try to take control, and there is conflict in that struggle.
- We must believe that Christ’s offer of peace is real and be willing to accept it in spite of our feelings.
- We must fully surrender our lives—mind, will, and emotions—to Jesus as our Lord. This includes yielding and conforming our character, conversation, and conduct to His will. Having Christ’s peace does not mean that we will never have any trouble, suffer pain or illness, or feel afraid. But whenever these experiences come our way, we will be able to respond with absolute confidence and certainty in the sufficiency of Christ. He is adequate for every situation and will always carry us through it. In fact, sometimes the most difficult, painful, and trying circumstances can become the seedbed for the awesome peace God gives to us in those moments. Watch Pastor Stanley on Surrender
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Our values are the starting place for all our beliefs, actions and behaviors.
Exactly how much do you value your relationship with God?
Below is a Power Point Presentation on the Importance of Values with Examples
| Power Point on Values |
When life is not easy, fair and painless and we don't always get what we want, our resistance is down and we are prone to feeling helpless and trapped, powerless and out of control when things don't go right for us. This type of thinking is part of the addictive belief system explained below. As a former substance abuser this type of thinking would fuel my behavior, although I was never conscious of it!
THE ADDICTIVE BELIEF SYSTEM: Addiction Psychologist, Dr. Arnold Washton states, "The inner disease that makes us so vulnerable to addiction, seems to originate in our belief system, for the beliefs we hold about ourselves, others, and the world around us determine to a large degree our feelings, personality, and outward behavior."
The non surrendered person tends to compete with God and has an unrealistic view of life. Their thinking goes like this:
a. I should be perfect:
b. I should be all powerful (control others and self):
c. I should always get what I want:
d. Life should be without pain and require no effort (Core of Addictive thinking): aka life should be easy and fair.
John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will[a] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are going through a crisis, and those who are going to go through a crisis.
“I Should Be Perfect (and Perfection Is Possible)” Our increasing belief that perfection is attainable is at the core of our addictions explosion. If we truly believe that perfection is possible, then we can never measure up. Like hamsters on a treadmill, we keep running and running, even though we never get anywhere, because our goal of perfection is unattainable. This quest for perfection— the perfect performance, perfect image, perfect body— fuels our addictions to compulsive exercise, compulsive shopping, workaholism, and drugs like cocaine. We are driven to chase the illusion of perfection offered by some of these mood-changers— even if it only lasts as long as the runner’s euphoria, the first time wearing a new outfit, praise from the boss, or the freebase high . As Sheila, a teacher who is an anorectic, compulsive exerciser, and compulsive shopper, puts it: “I wanted to present the perfect picture— because things inside of me felt so imperfect.”
“I Should Be All-Powerful” Someone who is vulnerable to addiction also has severe delusions about the limits of his power, believing that he should be able to control not only himself but other people, too, and just about everything else. This drive for control catapults people into addiction because the most popular mood-changers today create the illusion of power and competence, of being “in control.” Steve, the sex addict mentioned earlier, cruised the streets for prostitutes whenever he was feeling not sufficiently “in control” in other areas of his life. When he had an argument with his wife, for instance, or was put down by his boss at work , the appeal of the “hunt” became irresistible. “While I was in the trance I felt a tremendous adrenaline rush— not so much from any sexual excitement but from the feeling that I was in control, unlike in my real life. That feeling was the bigger part of what I wanted— not the sexual stimulation.”
“I Should Always Get What I Want” Those headed for addiction believe, as children do, that there should be no limits placed on them. If a child wants a candy bar, she doesn’t weigh long-term versus short-term benefits and costs to decide whether she should have it or not. Left to her own devices, she might even indulge herself to the point of getting sick. Addicts act the same way. The compulsive shopper, for example, believes on some level that his resources should be unlimited; therefore, he acts as if they are. As he reaches for his credit card, he enters the world of fantasy where there are no limits and no ramifications of his behavior. The result is a lack of self-regulation. Paradoxically, it is our rejection of limits that confines us to a life of relentless gratification-seeking. We cannot relax and accept ourselves because we continue to believe that we should have more, get more, be more. In a world without limits, there can never be “enough.” Our belief in limitlessness makes addicts of us.
“Life Should Be Without Pain and Require No Effort” The core of addictive thinking is inherent in this belief. If we insist on avoiding emotional pain, on being comfortable all the time, we will have to seek ways to avoid reality, to escape our mood. That is what the addictive person is saying through his behavior: “If reality is not what I want it to be, I will simply refuse to see it.” Ironically, it is through this resistance to pain that we suffer the most. For what is addiction but a way of resisting pain that causes far more suffering than the original problems or feelings could ever have. As children, we may have needed to find ways to avoid feeling intense emotional pain; we didn’t have other means of coping. But the addictive person has never learned to face pain and deal with it effectively. Refusing to deal with pain severely limits our freedom, because it means that we are controlled by circumstances outside ourselves. With this “modus operandi,” or “m.o.,” whenever uncomfortable feelings arise, we automatically seek to avoid them— by picking up a drink, picking up a charge card, or whatever else. To remain open to the real experiences and feelings that life brings us, and then apply skills to resolve them, is real freedom. By insisting that life be without pain, we deaden ourselves. When we block out grief, fear , and other discomforts, we at the same time limit our capacity to experience pleasure, since all feelings are blocked, not just the negative ones. These first four beliefs are the “shoulds” of the addictive belief system: I should be perfect, I should be all powerful , I should always get what I want , life should be without pain. Since these are all unattainable, the addict comes to believe that he— and life itself— is always falling short. He then formulates some other destructive beliefs based on these distortions.
CDB: Can we act with Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) when life does not meet our demands? God’s will is not an event that happens to us, it’s how we respond to what happens. Not everything happens for a reason. But in everything that happens, there can be a reason to bring hope and healing to ourselves and others. God can use our pain for a greater good if we choose to let Him in. We assume that life is supposed to be easy and when things don’t go our way, we feel like we have been wronged. Human beings seem to have an innate sense of entitlement. We think that we are owed a pain-free existence. The truth is we are all like children in that we feel like life should meet our demands instead of acting like adults and meeting the demands of life. “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” 1 Corinthians 13:11
The non surrendered person tends to compete with God and has an unrealistic view of life. Their thinking goes like this:
a. I should be perfect:
b. I should be all powerful (control others and self):
c. I should always get what I want:
d. Life should be without pain and require no effort (Core of Addictive thinking): aka life should be easy and fair.
John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will[a] have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”
There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are going through a crisis, and those who are going to go through a crisis.
“I Should Be Perfect (and Perfection Is Possible)” Our increasing belief that perfection is attainable is at the core of our addictions explosion. If we truly believe that perfection is possible, then we can never measure up. Like hamsters on a treadmill, we keep running and running, even though we never get anywhere, because our goal of perfection is unattainable. This quest for perfection— the perfect performance, perfect image, perfect body— fuels our addictions to compulsive exercise, compulsive shopping, workaholism, and drugs like cocaine. We are driven to chase the illusion of perfection offered by some of these mood-changers— even if it only lasts as long as the runner’s euphoria, the first time wearing a new outfit, praise from the boss, or the freebase high . As Sheila, a teacher who is an anorectic, compulsive exerciser, and compulsive shopper, puts it: “I wanted to present the perfect picture— because things inside of me felt so imperfect.”
“I Should Be All-Powerful” Someone who is vulnerable to addiction also has severe delusions about the limits of his power, believing that he should be able to control not only himself but other people, too, and just about everything else. This drive for control catapults people into addiction because the most popular mood-changers today create the illusion of power and competence, of being “in control.” Steve, the sex addict mentioned earlier, cruised the streets for prostitutes whenever he was feeling not sufficiently “in control” in other areas of his life. When he had an argument with his wife, for instance, or was put down by his boss at work , the appeal of the “hunt” became irresistible. “While I was in the trance I felt a tremendous adrenaline rush— not so much from any sexual excitement but from the feeling that I was in control, unlike in my real life. That feeling was the bigger part of what I wanted— not the sexual stimulation.”
“I Should Always Get What I Want” Those headed for addiction believe, as children do, that there should be no limits placed on them. If a child wants a candy bar, she doesn’t weigh long-term versus short-term benefits and costs to decide whether she should have it or not. Left to her own devices, she might even indulge herself to the point of getting sick. Addicts act the same way. The compulsive shopper, for example, believes on some level that his resources should be unlimited; therefore, he acts as if they are. As he reaches for his credit card, he enters the world of fantasy where there are no limits and no ramifications of his behavior. The result is a lack of self-regulation. Paradoxically, it is our rejection of limits that confines us to a life of relentless gratification-seeking. We cannot relax and accept ourselves because we continue to believe that we should have more, get more, be more. In a world without limits, there can never be “enough.” Our belief in limitlessness makes addicts of us.
“Life Should Be Without Pain and Require No Effort” The core of addictive thinking is inherent in this belief. If we insist on avoiding emotional pain, on being comfortable all the time, we will have to seek ways to avoid reality, to escape our mood. That is what the addictive person is saying through his behavior: “If reality is not what I want it to be, I will simply refuse to see it.” Ironically, it is through this resistance to pain that we suffer the most. For what is addiction but a way of resisting pain that causes far more suffering than the original problems or feelings could ever have. As children, we may have needed to find ways to avoid feeling intense emotional pain; we didn’t have other means of coping. But the addictive person has never learned to face pain and deal with it effectively. Refusing to deal with pain severely limits our freedom, because it means that we are controlled by circumstances outside ourselves. With this “modus operandi,” or “m.o.,” whenever uncomfortable feelings arise, we automatically seek to avoid them— by picking up a drink, picking up a charge card, or whatever else. To remain open to the real experiences and feelings that life brings us, and then apply skills to resolve them, is real freedom. By insisting that life be without pain, we deaden ourselves. When we block out grief, fear , and other discomforts, we at the same time limit our capacity to experience pleasure, since all feelings are blocked, not just the negative ones. These first four beliefs are the “shoulds” of the addictive belief system: I should be perfect, I should be all powerful , I should always get what I want , life should be without pain. Since these are all unattainable, the addict comes to believe that he— and life itself— is always falling short. He then formulates some other destructive beliefs based on these distortions.
CDB: Can we act with Christ Driven Behavior (CDB) when life does not meet our demands? God’s will is not an event that happens to us, it’s how we respond to what happens. Not everything happens for a reason. But in everything that happens, there can be a reason to bring hope and healing to ourselves and others. God can use our pain for a greater good if we choose to let Him in. We assume that life is supposed to be easy and when things don’t go our way, we feel like we have been wronged. Human beings seem to have an innate sense of entitlement. We think that we are owed a pain-free existence. The truth is we are all like children in that we feel like life should meet our demands instead of acting like adults and meeting the demands of life. “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” 1 Corinthians 13:11
BJ Fogg, author of Simple Habits and Behavior Therapist says, "A behavior happens when the three elements of MAP— Motivation, Ability, and Prompt— come together at the same moment." Motivation is your desire to do the behavior. Ability is your capacity to do the behavior. And Prompt is your cue to do the behavior.
Example: Behavior: Brush teeth, Motivation: I want healthy teeth with no cavities, Ability: I can physically do it, Prompt: get up every morning
As a former substance abuser for four and a half decades, I can promise you that the antidote to any compulsive behavior is to make the intellectual decision to surrender control to God, delegate control to God.
Swallow your pride and delegate control. There is no shame in delegation! CEOs of major corporations, delegate control to their Chief Operations Officers! I delegate my taxes to my tax accountant. Delegate control of your life to Jesus Christ. Yes it is easier said than done. Yes it takes daily work. If you want to be a successful accomplished person, due it on your knees! "When you grow close to God, he will grow close to you!" James 4:8. This is not some pithy statement. This is how relationships work and it's backed by neuroscience. Neurons that fire together, wire together. Where attention (talking to God) goes, neuro-firing flows and neuro-connections grow! This is how learning takes place. This is Godly neuroplasticity at its best! When you intellectually decide to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, when you delegate control to Christ, (2 Cor. 12:9-10), He reciprocates with a Helper the Holy Spirit a built in mentor (John 14:16). You will have new transformed thinking (Romans 12:2), new values, better self control, joy and peace (Gal. 5-22-23), you will become a New Creation (2 Cor.5:17).
So here is the MAP, the baby step plan to start your, surrendered, relationship.
Behavior: Surrender prayer to God.
Motivation: I want to be closer to God and love Him 100%!
Ability: Get on my knees 2 x day
Prompt: getting into bed and out of bed.
This is your homework assignment for next week! Practice this tiny habit of Surrender. Here is my simple surrender prayer. Use it or make up your own. "Lord, I invite you into my life today, guide my foot steps and help me make wise decisions, always allow me to be sensitive to Your will, especially if YOU decide to change my plans!
PS. You lead, let's roll."
Example: Behavior: Brush teeth, Motivation: I want healthy teeth with no cavities, Ability: I can physically do it, Prompt: get up every morning
As a former substance abuser for four and a half decades, I can promise you that the antidote to any compulsive behavior is to make the intellectual decision to surrender control to God, delegate control to God.
Swallow your pride and delegate control. There is no shame in delegation! CEOs of major corporations, delegate control to their Chief Operations Officers! I delegate my taxes to my tax accountant. Delegate control of your life to Jesus Christ. Yes it is easier said than done. Yes it takes daily work. If you want to be a successful accomplished person, due it on your knees! "When you grow close to God, he will grow close to you!" James 4:8. This is not some pithy statement. This is how relationships work and it's backed by neuroscience. Neurons that fire together, wire together. Where attention (talking to God) goes, neuro-firing flows and neuro-connections grow! This is how learning takes place. This is Godly neuroplasticity at its best! When you intellectually decide to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, when you delegate control to Christ, (2 Cor. 12:9-10), He reciprocates with a Helper the Holy Spirit a built in mentor (John 14:16). You will have new transformed thinking (Romans 12:2), new values, better self control, joy and peace (Gal. 5-22-23), you will become a New Creation (2 Cor.5:17).
So here is the MAP, the baby step plan to start your, surrendered, relationship.
Behavior: Surrender prayer to God.
Motivation: I want to be closer to God and love Him 100%!
Ability: Get on my knees 2 x day
Prompt: getting into bed and out of bed.
This is your homework assignment for next week! Practice this tiny habit of Surrender. Here is my simple surrender prayer. Use it or make up your own. "Lord, I invite you into my life today, guide my foot steps and help me make wise decisions, always allow me to be sensitive to Your will, especially if YOU decide to change my plans!
PS. You lead, let's roll."
Summary of tonight:
A prideful person is incapable of surrender or delegating control to others.
Values are the single most important variable in behavioral change.
If you value God first and foremost in your life, today is the day to Surrender or Delegate control to Christ.
Start with a tiny habit, MAP Motivation-Ability-Prompt
Stop trying to be God. Stop trying to control everything.
The main navigational tools in life are values and purpose.
The most important question you can ask yourself on this planet is: What is my purpose in life? The answer is, "To do God's Will." Then comes the hard question. What exactly is God's will for me? The answer is right in front of us in all of the New Testament!
"To be Christ like in character, but not in being." In other words, model yourself after Jesus Christ but don't pretend to be God!
A prideful person is incapable of surrender or delegating control to others.
Values are the single most important variable in behavioral change.
If you value God first and foremost in your life, today is the day to Surrender or Delegate control to Christ.
Start with a tiny habit, MAP Motivation-Ability-Prompt
Stop trying to be God. Stop trying to control everything.
The main navigational tools in life are values and purpose.
The most important question you can ask yourself on this planet is: What is my purpose in life? The answer is, "To do God's Will." Then comes the hard question. What exactly is God's will for me? The answer is right in front of us in all of the New Testament!
"To be Christ like in character, but not in being." In other words, model yourself after Jesus Christ but don't pretend to be God!
Closing VICTORY Prayer:
Lord, I invite you into my life today. Guide my footsteps and help me make wise decisions in order to manage my feelings, my emotions. Help me to regain control over emotional circumstances in life, that make me feel helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control. I accept that I cannot control everything and I delegate that control to you, so that you will transform my thinking and empower me, through the Holy Spirit. Empower me to regain control with (Direct), assertive, Christ Driven values and behavior and not with (Displaced substitute behaviors), the quick fixes or mood changers of chemicals and other errant behaviors. Always allow me to be sensitive to Your Will, especially if You desire to change my plans and behavior.
Lord, I invite you into my life today. Guide my footsteps and help me make wise decisions in order to manage my feelings, my emotions. Help me to regain control over emotional circumstances in life, that make me feel helpless, trapped, powerless and lacking control. I accept that I cannot control everything and I delegate that control to you, so that you will transform my thinking and empower me, through the Holy Spirit. Empower me to regain control with (Direct), assertive, Christ Driven values and behavior and not with (Displaced substitute behaviors), the quick fixes or mood changers of chemicals and other errant behaviors. Always allow me to be sensitive to Your Will, especially if You desire to change my plans and behavior.
